Dear Trae (and everyone else),
You were my first and truest friend on Glee Wiki. You created awesome covers for me. You inspired me to join TGWT. You have always been my idol when it comes to graphics and I could never be as good as you...I don't wanna be as good as you because your graphics are amazing and they can NEVER be topped. Trae, please never feel that you are not worth something because you are worth SO much more than you will ever know. You are amazing at everything you do. I hurt so much because I feel that, based on what multiple have people have told me, that Trae, you have anger at me because you feelsyou are in my shadow or whatever. Trae, you could never be in my shadow. I feel we are such good friends who walk SIDE BY SIDE, casting one big shadow on our haters. But, you do have people who love you and what you do. You get told every day he's such a good writer at school...I don't have that. You have all these fans and friends who hang on every amazing word you write. But things have made me feel guilty that you feel like you are in my shadow and that I wanna post my FF and my work online to feel validated....which I deserve, too. I have cried so much over this...I have lost a friend and I feel that I have indirectly and unpurposely made you feel less valuable JUST by doing what I love to do. I love to write...it's MY DREAM to write. I can't help how you feel, Trae, but it's not right to be held against me; it's not write to make me feel guilty for tying to follow my dreams. I've seen the PMs that you have supposedly sent some people that they brought to me, when I didn't even ask to see them and it's bad enough that I feel guilty for you "feeling in my shadow," but then feel like I am villain for wanting to validated too. And honestly, it might feel like a role reversal of how you once felt but I never once purposely ignored you on chat on purpose or held anything against you. I always tried to welcome you into chat unless I was AFK, which happens a lot caring for a sick mother, and whenever there was an issue, tried to work it out. But instead, I have to keep feeling guilty for doing what is important to me. It kills me feeling like I cause you to feel undervalued...
I am not mad at you, I am just frustrated at his whole issue because It really makes me feel bad that you hurt because of me. But please understand that I didn't do anything on purpose. And every night, I think "what if Trae hurts himself like he has siad he would in the past?" And then I think that I would feel responsible if you did try to take your own life or hurt yourself...
Please understand that I don't TRY to be be better or TRY to have a competition with you...I just write for me and you guys because it's what I love to do and it used to bring us closer. But writing is the one thing that has gotten me through the past 3 years...I lost a lot of people I loved (including both my grandparents) and came close to losing my mom...this is NOT a competition for me...writing is my life, my therapy, my anti-drug, my happiness, my it gets better. And when Maw-Maw was on her deathbed, she told me I had talents that she knew I would go somewhere in life and made me promise I wouldn't give up on my dreams. So I am not gonna quit writing because I promised Maw-Maw I wouldn't. I almost did because of this and my mom reminded me of the promise I made Maw-Maw. I am so sorry if you feel that you are in may shadow, I do, Trae but please know I do not aspire or try to make you feel that way. am jsut doing the one thing that kept me going when I lost the single most important woman in my life and almost lost the second most. Sure, at first it wasn't Glee, it was original stuff, but when I started this, it finally felt like I was following my dreams. And I hope that you find it in you to, to not to aspire to be better or more popular, but to aspire SIMPLY do what you love to do and dream of doing. Because you may not see it, but Trae you are AMAZING and will always be amazing.
Trae, it KILLS me to feel guilty for that and to know it hurts you. I never intended for you to feel like you were in my shadow...I started TNG before TNY and when I did, you were the graphics and the TGWT guy...I didn't even know you had such a desire to write...BUT NEVER GIVE UP ON WRITING OR GRAPHICS. EVER. Because you are great, Trae. YOU. ARE. GREAT.
But if you truly feel that you need to be away from me and break free and have space, I will give you that and stay in my chat on on my wiki from now on. But it would also be nice if my other friends realize that I feel a little lonely and miss them, and would to talk with them. But I feel I can't come here without violating personal space, so it would be nice if you drop by to see me in chat and stay for a little while if I don't respond at first because I do have a hectic life as of late. Mom is not only disabled but also sick right now so it means a lot more having to do for her now and then. She has a sinus infection, respitory infection, and abscessed tooth. Plus she is on oyxen because her lungs are weak and she can't breath good without oxygen, so the respitory infection is extra rough on her.
So, yeah, please do come see me sometime. :-/ And sorry for anything I have caused throughout this situation. And for the violation of personal space. I said my peace, made my apolgies, explained where I will be and now I can only pray things will be good again so I can stop feeling like an ostracized outcast and so Trae can be happy, spread his wings, and see how amazing he is...
Sincerly, Justin